12-13"Friends, when life gets really difficult, don't jump to the conclusion that God isn't on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner."
1 Peter 4:12-13, The Message
"I will permanently bear the mark of a woman who has lost her child. Many of us are walking here-- in the grocery store, at the neighborhood barbeque, at the movies. We walk without necessarily recognizing each other, side by side and a million miles apart. If you are one of these women, I want you to know that as I write these words, I am praying for you. I am mourning what you have lost in this life. I am praying that God will fill you as only He can, and that in time, you (and I) will be with our daughters and our sons again."
How true this is... I go to the grocery store... and no one sees the daughter that I lost. No one knows the precious little girl who changed my life. No one knows the there's a missing piece to my family. Still haven't read Angie's book. Its on my side table... haven't picked it up since the day I bawled my way through the introduction. Feeling a bit like the walking wounded today. I'm ready for some family time, to be around people who love us... who 'get' us. Looking forward to August!
I’ve been doing some research for a series of devotions that I’m writing for a work project. The original idea was to write the devotions on the subject of abstinence and it will accompany some presentations we are going to be doing with church teens/parents. But as I’m getting into this more, the topics of holiness, purity and the sanctity of human life keep coming up. So, that’s where I’m going with it.
The subject of the sanctity of human life—that is, the idea that there is value in every person regardless of age, sex, race, condition of health, etc—goes so much deeper than I’d ever really imagined. I’ve always just thought of the term in relation to the pro-life/pro-choice argument and leave it at that. We celebrate “Sanctity of Human Life” Sundays in our churches but don’t speak much of it the rest of the year. However, as I’ve been reading and studying today, I’m a bit surprised and humbled at how I’ve let the phrase “sanctity of human life” lose its capacity to communicate what it truly means. The weight of those words hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s like the proverbial light just switched on and I realized: We are not just talking politics here… when we talk about human life, we are approaching a holy subject.
It all goes back to Genesis (doesn’t it always?), which is where I began my study this morning. God created humans—us—in his own image. I’ve always known that. Duh! Isn’t that one of the first verses you memorize in VBS? Genesis 1:26-27: “And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…’ So God created man in his own image. In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” It’s right up there with John 3:16. So I dug a little deeper… how are we created in God’s image? I’ve zeroed in on at least three (though I’m sure there are more) key attributes in which we are likened to God:
First, we are living beings. Likewise, God is living and active in the world (and in our lives) still today. Acts 17:29 tells us that we are not to think that God is like silver or gold or stone—an image created by man. Rather, he is a living God, as was revealed to Peter when he confessed to Jesus, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” (Matthew 16:16) The psalmist echoed this in Psalm 84(v.1): “How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.”
Secondly, God has given man free will which also reflects God’s image. We have the freedom to choose between doing what is right and what is wrong. We have intrinsic knowledge, a moral understanding, of what is good and what is evil.
And finally, God is holy and he calls us to be holy, too. And this is where I’ve planted my feet for the day. 1 Peter 1:15-16 says “But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: ‘Be holy because I am holy.’” The first two points—being alive and making choices—are things that we do every day, usually without thinking about it. While each point could be explored deeper in individual articles, it is the last one that most intrigues me. The call to holiness. This truly is the root of everything. Our holiness (or lack thereof) colors all other things in our lives… the decisions we make, the people we associate with, the views we hold to, etc, etc. A.W. Tozer wrote:
“A holy man is not one who cannot sin. A holy man is one who will not sin.”
Again, this goes back to our likeness to God in that we have choices. And our choices either lead us towards holiness (and God) or they lead us away from holiness, and ultimately away from God. Obedience or disobedience. Jerry Bridges wrote in his book, The Pursuit of Holiness:
"It is time for Christians to face up to our responsibility for holiness. Too often we say we are 'defeated' by this or that sin. No, we are not defeated; we are simply disobedient! It might be well if we stopped using the terms 'victory' and 'defeat' to describe our progress in holiness. Rather we should use the terms 'obedience' and 'disobedience.'"
When we pursue holiness, we seek out the very core of our being. We seek God, in all his greatness, glory, honor and holiness. Too often we think this life is about being happy… making it through the hard times so we can ‘just be happy again.’ But as Oswald Chambers reminds us, that’s not really the point of life:
“The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. God’s one aim is the production of saints. He is not an eternal blessing machine for men; he did not come to save men out of pity; he came to save men because he had created them to be holy.”
Likewise, A.W. Tozer wrote:“No man should desire to be happy who is not at the same time holy. He should spend his efforts in seeking to know and do the will of God, leaving to Christ the matter of how happy he shall be…”
And he encourages us:
“Go to God and have an understanding. Tell Him that it is your desire to be holy at any cost and then ask Him never to give you more happiness than holiness. When your holiness becomes tarnished, let your joy become dim. And ask Him to make you holy whether you are happy or not. Be assured that in the end you will be as happy as you are holy; but for the time being let your whole ambition be to serve God and be Christlike.”
Wow… how many of us are willing to go to God and ask him never to give us more happiness than holiness?? Do we ask God to make us holy regardless of whether or not we are happy? Even more than that, do we ask God to make us holy, knowing full-well that the refining process could indeed make us very unhappy (in the sense of happiness as a human pleasure)? Is our whole ambition to serve God and be Christlike? Or is it just to be good and stay happy? There is a canyon of difference between the two.
The Hebrew word for holiness is kadesh which means something which is cut off, separate or set apart. It describes that which is anti-secular (secular = of or relating to the worldly or temporal), in a category all its own. Kadesh describes something that is elevated out of the sphere of what is ordinary. The New Testament word hagios also means set apart, separate and so in a class by itself. We are set apart unto God, both to worship Him and to serve Him.
Unquestionably, the greatest example we have of holiness here on earth is Christ. In Jesus Christ, the holiness of God appeared in human form. This brings us back around, full-circle, to the value of human life itself… God sent his son to earth, as a human being (John 1:14), to die on our behalf, so that our sins would be cleansed and we could once again (being purified from sin) commune with him. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) This act of the greatest sacrifice demonstrates without question both the love God has for us and the value he places on human life.
Now this is where it all ties back into the idea of sexual purity. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit! Where the Spirit of the Lord resides!! When we engage in sexual immorality, we are directly defiling the residence of Christ’s precious parting gift—the HOLY Spirit. That’s why 1 Corinthians is so specific when it speaks out again sexual sin!
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that you body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.”
When we see the command for holiness in our lives and truly start seeking it with unwavering conviction, we can’t help but run from sexual sin. In the process of pursuing holiness, we truly begin see each human life as precious. Sexual sin devalues and cheapens individuals. Holiness builds it up and protects it. I could go on and on about the connection between holiness and rejecting sexual sin, but this is more of a sub point in what I really am trying to say…
Because human beings bear the image of God, no other human has the right to take that life away from another… God is ultimately the giver and taker of life. Psalm 139:16 says
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (NLT)
And as Hannah so poignantly prayed in 1 Samuel 2,
“The Lord brings death and makes alive; he brings down to the grave and raises up.”
Two things will be true of every single person you or I will ever encounter: This is one who bears the image of God; and this is one for whom Christ died. These two truths verify human life as sacred, holy and precious. Believing this begs us to recognize the undeniable sanctity of human life. Furthermore, we are not only to recognize human life as holy, we are to respect it and uphold it. So the question now is, when does life begin? Through the wonders of science and advances in technology, we are able to witness the development of a human being from the moment of conception. Theologians, philosophers, politicians and ethicists have argued for centuries the question of when life begins. But one thing they all agree on is that we value and protect a baby as she emerges from the womb. Was that little one’s life any less valuable an hour before her birth? Was her heart beating any less? What about an hour before that? And before that? At what point in the development of a baby can you affirmatively say, “Ah, now this child has value?” The only conclusion that affirms life in its entirety is to consider each and every life valuable—nondisposable—from the moment of conception.
If you want to do this and are not quite sure what to do... here's the scoop: If you're somewhere cool (like the beach on vacation) and you think about it, would you write Whitney's name somewhere, snap a picture and send it to me? Or if you see the name "Whitney" on a street sign, billboard, etc, you can do the same. You can also write her name in creative ways... on flowers... with blocks or magnets, etc. My email address is:
sheyennew (at) gmail (dot) com
I'll then add her picture to the name gallery, along with a little bit of info on who sent it to us. I'm eventually going to print these all off in a photo book, as a reminder of all the wonderful people who loved Whitney.
You can see all of her name pictures HERE in her name gallery.
One of my parents' friend from their church in Tulsa sent us these great pictures for Whitney's Name Gallery. Miss Linda took the time to make this for us at their church's VBS program this summer. (Cool side note: their VBS theme this year was "Egypt"! It was all about the life of Joseph and I hear it was pretty awesome!) Thank you Linda for thinking of us and taking the time to do this for us!
You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:
And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE. :-)
This beautiful name picture was taken by Kristin, another Angel Baby mom. She has started a forest of angel names and it is just stunning. It is sad, because there are so many names, but it is a great reminder that I am not alone in this journey. You should click over to her blog and check out THE FOREST. A beautiful way to remember all the little ones who are gone from this life but certainly not forgotten. I love the way so many angel moms choose to remember their babies.
You can see this picture and others like it in Whitney's Name Gallery... just click the photo below:
And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE. :-)
Many babies with Whitney’s condition, triploidy, miscarry in the first few weeks of pregnancy, and almost always within the first trimester. But one of the verses that I continually prayed was Exodus 23:26… “None will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a fill life span.” I read this verse to Sean in the same breath that I told him I was pregnant. I believe with all my heart that God allowed us to experience the fullness of Whitney’s life during my pregnancy because we prayed this prayer, over and over. Some say to me now, “How could God allow this? Aren’t you mad at him because this happened?” I absolutely see where they’re coming from. And that’s definitely one way to look at it. But we’ve chosen to see it from the other side… God is the one who gave us so many blessings, despite the horrible circumstances. When the odds were that I would have miscarried, God allowed us more time with Whitney. More time to feel her, to know her, to grow to love her.
Some people have commented that it would have just been easier if we had miscarried earlier, or chosen to terminate when we were told to. There were times in the midst of my pregnancy when I thought about that and wondered if it were true. However, now that I’ve held her, that I was able to actually give birth to her when my body was ready, I completely disagree. It would have been a million times harder had we not seen her life through to completion in the way we did. During the pregnancy there were a million unknowns… would there be a heartbeat at my next dr. appt? What would she look like? What deformities would she have, if any? When would I go into labor? How would it happen? Would I need surgery? Will Whitney be born alive? So many unknowns, at times it was unbearable. I learned that truly, I am not in control of anything. A good friend (who also lost her son to triploidy) put it to me this way: When something terrible like the death (or illness) of a baby happens we have two options—we can either grasp more wildly for control that will never come, or we can completely let go. By letting go of all control in the situation, there was such a release… a freedom I had not felt thus far in my pregnancy. I rested a little better knowing that I was not the one making the decisions about my baby’s life and death. It was ultimately up to God. I would do all I could to take care of the life He had entrusted to us, for as long as God would allow. And when the time was right (in Creator of the universe’s timeline, of course), indeed, God did deliver us from all the unknowns. I think one of the most comforting things for me, personally, was having all those unknowns answered. I was able to see her (she was beautiful, perfect… no deformities on the outside like the doctors had told us there would be), hold her, and see who this little person was that had forever rocked our world. We had closure to the months and months of questions. If we had chosen to end it all when the doctors told us to, all those unknowns would still exist. No answers. No closure. No peace. I would forever wonder what she looked like, how far she would have made it. To me, that is one of the biggest blessings that came from all of this.
So even now when I think of our daughter, I am filled with such a strange mix of emotions. It’s like those Sourpatch Kids candies… they can’t decide if they want to be sweet or sour. Sometimes they’re sourer than sweet, other times, it’s just the opposite. Bittersweet. But I don’t even like that word… it’s just terribly insufficient to express the true depth of such strong emotions. I do know that when I really dissect the feelings, though, in almost every moment there is deep, permeating, underlying joy that runs through everything. Sometimes, when things are really tough, joy is too strong of a word—I guess in those moments “peace” is more succinct. So I hope that even though I have been sharing a lot of my grief as of late, please understand I still wouldn’t take it back for one second. And I would do it all over again if I had to; just the way we did it the first time. There is no greater peace than walking through a nightmare, having to make horrific, unthinkable decisions, but emerging in the end knowing that you did everything in alliance with the core of your being.
