My dear, sweet friend Idette sent me this beautiful picture from Kauai... I love it! I love the flower used to "dot" the "i". (Is it a frangy pangy flower?) Gorgeous! Thank you so much Idette!
You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:
And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.
Below is a link to a petition for grieving parents to receive leave for bereavement under the Family Leave Act.
Thankfully, I was able to take my full maternity leave after Whitney died. I remember the days and weeks of walking around in a fog, wondering if this was really my life. I had to relearn how to live my life in this new sense of normal. Everything from sleeping to eating to driving and shopping was completely foreign and had to be relearned. I am thankful for the time I had on maternity leave to get used to just living life before I had to face what all of that meant for my job.
I know that many women receive maternity leave, but if your pregnancy loss was early, you were not able to take maternity leave. Or, if you had a c-section you barely get your feet back on the ground then have to return to work and face the public.
There are also mommas that lose their babies several weeks after birth due to the poor/fatal diagnosis. Their maternity leave runs out and have to return to work shortly after burying their child.
This Parental Bereavement Act is an amendment to the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) that will extend benefits to employees who have experienced the death of a child. There are so many ways that our little ones are not acknowledged when they pass away, especially if the baby is stillborn (as was our case). We did not receive a birth certificate, she was not acknowledged on our taxes, and if she had been born much earlier, I would not have been eligible for maternity leave. This is a great way to allow families time to heal without having the extra stress of missing so much work to grieve.
Its super simple to sign the petition online... only took a couple of minutes. Click the link below to sign! You don't have to be a baby loss momma to care!
A couple of times, I've been blessed to make birth announcements for precious angel babies. The women, families and babies I've met have touched my heart and changed my life. As I spent time creating each birth announcement, and perfecting it to the mother's liking, I prayed for their families, the lives they touched. One person I was blessed to meet through that was a fellow angel mum to Christian, Erin. She sent me this beautiful picture from a recent trip to Gulf Shores, AL. I am continually in awe of the amazing people I meet on this journey... a journey I would never have chosen for myself but have been blessed beyond belief beause of it. Here's the picture she sent:
Beautiful, right?! Thank you so much, Erin for thinking of me and Whitney Jill. We will never forget your Christian, either! :) Love you friend!
You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:
And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE. :-)
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't have other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Gia is our rainbow baby so she came after Whitney. No doubt she will somehow be affected by that, but she's too young right now. So my relationship with Sean... like I said before, through this all, he has been my rock. We have gotten so much closer over the past two years, I cannot imagine living life without him. I'm a lucky lady. :)
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
It depends on the day you ask me. ;) Generally, yes. As with most everything, the intense pain has gotten better with time. And although I think of her every day, most days are less painful than they were in the early days after her loss. I used to think of each day after she died as one day further away from the last time we held her, but now I am able to think of it as each day being one day closer to holding her again in Heaven.
But the hard days are still there. Like watching the video in the previous post was really hard. I tend to push things out of my mind that I don't want to think about... but seeing her precious little heartbeat on the ultrasound, her hand waves and her sweet little 'jumps' make me miss her all the more.
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel? If so what?
Yes! We have several things that we started to keep Whitney's memory alive and to honor her life. First of all, we started a memorial fund that helped to purchase an ultrasound machine for the mobile ultrasound clinic at the Pregnancy Care Center in Fresno. I need to do an update on that post soon!! But, we purchased an awesome ultrasound machine that has already saved multiple babies' lives, and it has a little plaque on in that says "In Memory of Whitney Jill." I was able to share with one mom-to-be about Whitney, and how we chose to carry her even though she was sick. It was so awesome to have that opportunity. Here's a video about that:
(click on it to see the whole thing... it gets cut off with the dimensions of this blog)
Secondly, on Whitney's birthday, we started the tradtion of doing a Random Act of Kindness Day. Many of you guys participated last year, and we are still planning on doing something again this year. It may not be as elaborate as last year was, but we will still do it-- and hope you will join us again! See our complete rundown of the day here.
Another way we remember Whitney in our family is by creating Aunt & Uncle Day. It is April 16, which was Whitney's original due date. Its a way for us to remember Whitney while also honoring her aunts & uncles! See what we did this year and last year.
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
This is probably one of the hardest questions that a baby loss mom will have to deal with. I will never forget the first time someone asked me this question after Whitney died. I was at a Mary Kay event with a friend, and I had to stand up and introduce myself. It was exactly one month to the day after I'd had Whitney, and the director asked if I had any kids. I was still so raw and sad, I just wanted to crawl away... so I said no. I cried the entire way home, then tried to explain to Sean how I felt like I had just denied my only child who had died. It was horrible.
Since then, I've learned to give myself a little bit of grace when the question arises. Sometimes, I've surprised myself and said, "Yes, I had a daughter but she passed away." But reactions are usually worse than just saying "no." Take for instance, the waiter at Olive Garden the day we went to eat there after Whitney's memorial service. She asked if we were celebrating anything so I, feeling brave, said yes... we were celebrating my daughter **waitress's face begins to light up with a smile** who was now in Heaven. **waitress's face falls to the floors as she flusters around to verbally vomit an apology while trying to run away from us as fast as possible.** It was awkward, to say the least.
So really, it depends on the situation, the surroundings, and the person who is asking. I'm now able to say that we have two daughters, one who has passed away. I can usually say that without crying, so that's progress, right? But it is such a tricky question.
