Gifts for a Grieving Friend

A question came up in the on-line community that I am a part of about what kind of gifts are appropriate for a friend or acquaintance who has lost a baby.  Many times, people are afraid of offending the grieving parents, but from my personal experience, I can't think of anything that anyone gave me that offended me.  I know I was just thankful that they cared enough to think about me and remember Whitney.  So here are some ideas....

1. A necklace or other piece of jewelry.  I received several beautiful necklaces and bracelets to help me remember Whitney.... they are all different and I LOVE them all!  I wear a different necklace or bracelet almost every day.  My girlfriends from high school all pitched in and got me a bracelet with Whitney's name and purple beads (she was born in Feb).  Handstamped jewelry is really "in" right now, and can be a beautiful piece to give a mom who has lost her baby.  Most of the necklaces I got had Whitney's name and birthdate engraved on them.  I also received a beautiful locket that I LOVE, too.  When I wear these necklaces, I not only remember my daughter, but the loved one(s) who gave me the necklace.  (The one pictured below is from The Vintage Pearl.)

2. Flowers.  As cliche as it may seem, I loved having live flowers in the house after Whitney died.  My favorites were a bouquet of white lillies that some friends brought us in the hospital.  Sean and I have since decided that lillies were "her" flowers.  Another one of my favorites were some beautiful yellow tulips in an awesome vase... bright and cheery... reminded me of the joy Whitney brought to us in her short life.  A personal delivery from yourself and maybe one other person would be nice... but be sensitive to keeping your visit short and to a few people.  

3. Card.  Again, a simple thing but it means a lot.  A heartfelt card with a personal, handwritten message can go a long way.  I still have every single card given to us when Whitney died.

4. Comfort items.  When my boss stopped by my house a few days after Whitney was born, she brought me one of my favorite gifts... an incredibly soft, beautiful blanket.  A blanket intended just for me and bringing me comfort.  She said that she thought I might like something the wrap myself in... and she was right.  It was one of those blankets that you always see in boutiques that are kinda pricey and would probably never buy for yourself but feel oh-so-amazing.  Other ideas for "comfort items" for mom are some fuzzy socks or slippers, bubble bath, lotions or other things like that.

5. Restaurant Gift Cards.  Your friend will probably not feel like getting out of the house for dinner any time soon, and she probably has a handful of people already providing meals.  However, there will come a time when the freezer meals are gone, and she is ready to venture out again.  Restaurant gift cards are a nice gift for this very reason. 

6. Other ideas... A good gift for dad may be a keychain with engravings related to their baby.  Vintage pearl has several, as does many other websites.  The gift of time and services cannot be overestimated, either.  Offer to watch their other kids, spend time with them, make arrangements for necessities, etc.  Obviously, your relationship with the parents will determine your level of involvement in this area.

 

A general rule of thumb is that its better to say and do something than nothing at all.  And a little gesture goes a long way.  

 

Love these Name Photos!

Whitney's first birthday is fast approaching.  (February 11)  I have a couple of "fun" things planned, but I am still working on it... I will share it with you soon!  There is even a way that you can be a part of Whitney's First Birthday Celebration-- no matter where you live in the world!  So stay tuned for that....  :)

Over the past year, many of you have sent me pictures for Whitney's name gallery... and let me just tell you, I LOVE THEM!!!  I treasure each and every one of them, as well as each and every one of you who took the time to snap a picture of our baby girl's name. 

For Whitney's birthday, I would love to get even more name pictures to add to her gallery.  I am hoping to someday put together a book of all the pictures of her name, and the special people who sent them to us.  So, one way that you can join Sean and I in remembering Whitney on her first birthday is to take a picture of her name and send it to me!  My email is:  sheyennew (at) gmail (dot) com.  Here is just a sampling of the beautiful pictures we've received this past year:

  
 
Whitney's name has been written beaches from North Carolina to Long beach, Egypt to Hawaii, and St. John's to Ocho Rios!
 
 
 Her name has been written on flower petals and tree trunks, easter eggs and walls, lollipops and legos.
 
 
And you've found her name on souvenier trinkets from all over the place, too... San Francisco, Nashville, Key West and Disneyworld!

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.  :-)

Crowd Surfing

I know I've said it before, but I am so very blessed to work with an amazing group of women at the Pregnancy Care Center.  We had our annual volunteer appreciation brunch Saturday morning, and it was such a great time of fellowship.  We spent a couple of hours just really appreciating and thanking our tireless volunteers who are truly the heart of our ministry.  

Our nurse manager, Kelli, was unable to be at the brunch because her dad has recently become very ill with cancer.  He is going down hill fast and they just called in hospice this past week.  It has been great to see the love, prayers and support we have all pitched in on her behalf as she is going through this difficult time.

And I know very well how great an assett that support is.  You may remember, right after our ultrasound with Whitney that showed some concerns, it was Thanksgiving.  I didn't go back to work for a couple of weeks because we had already planned a trip to Cincinnati to visit family.  But, during that time, while we were waiting for answers and praying for healing, the women I work with signed up to be on a continual fast.  One dear woman even fasted and prayed for us ON THANKSGIVING!  

It is ultimately Christ who gives us strength to continue a pregnancy in the midst of a fatal diganosis.  But I believe that in situations like that, the reality of God's people being His hands and feet is more palpable than ever.  Some of my fellow baby loss moms found their support from their church leaders; others have found the support needed to carry a baby with an adverse diagnosis from their family, friends, doctors, etc.  I can't say that a lot of support came from my church leaders, I can tell you that without the women in my work community, carrying Whitney would have been a lot harder.  (I actually call it my work/faith community, because it is a Christ-centered environment, filled with women of the Word and wisdom.)  They were and still are a critical part of this journey we are walking in life. 

Galatians 6:2 says:
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 

The women I work with truly "get" this verse.  In the past two years, our staff has experienced a lot of loss, some traumatic situations and tense relationship-- just in our personal lives... not even talking about the life or death situations we encounter on a daily basis in the counseling room.  

Back to what I was say earlier about Kelli... since she was unable to attend the brunch, she sent a little message that we read.  In this note, she talked about the "Footprints in the Sand" poem.  The gist of the poem is that in the difficult times, God is not only with us, but he is carrying us in His arms.  Kelli expressed her heartfelt thanks for the support we, at the PCC have been giving her, and that she pictured us "crowd surfing" her to throne of God... raising her up with our hands, carrying her in one of the toughest seasons of her life.

I love that... as Christians, that's what we are supposed to do!  God calls us to bear one another's burdens, and sometimes, that means carrying a brother or sister when they can't walk themselves.  In a group setting, I imagine that would look a lot like crowd surfing.  :)

 

Sometimes...

(Picture taken by Aunt Megan & cousins Emmalia & Kaira, in Wisconsin snow. Jan 2011)

I miss her so much, its hard to breathe.  My chest gets tight, my eyes well with tears and it just hurts.

God I miss her.

11 Months

1.11.11

Its been 11 months since we held our baby.

That means its almost been a year.

A year sounds like such a long time, but it seems like just yesterday.

Everything around us right now is so uncertain.  Things are changing so fast, but I feel like I've been doing lately is waiting.  I'm ready for there to be some kind of normalcy again.  Oh wait... I'm living a new normal now.  Hm.  If only I could figure out what that is, maybe I could start living it.  

We listed our house today.  So sad to let it go.  But if you know anyone looking for an absolute steal on a nice house in a great area, let me know.  

Gift of a Lifetime

I just saw this great new resource that Focus on the Family has produced.  It is SO wonderful!  At my work at the Pregnancy Care Center, we use a lot of FOTF resources, and they are all so wonderfully written, factual and poignant.

This pamphlet has some beautiful stories and pictures of familes that chose to carry, including some dear friends... like Laura from String of Pearls.  (Remember her?  HERE and HERE.)  

It is a beautiful pamphlet... you should check it out:

Gift of a Lifetime

What Is In A Name?

Juliet:

What's in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

While Juliet Capulet may have been lamenting to her star-crossed lover, Romeo Montague, that a name is just an artificial and meaningless convention, anyone who has ever had to choose a name for their child might beg to differ. 

Sean and I have spent the last week going through a list of about dozen names that we both just "liked" but didn't LOVE.  However, yesterday morning there was one that just struck a chord with both of us.  Sean and I used a christmas gift card to Olive Garden and treated ourselves to a yummy lunch at Whitney's favorite restaurant yesterday.  We tried the name out as we munched on our yummy salad, breadsticks and entrees, and by the end of the day, it was set.  We have a name!  Her name is...

Gianna Noelle

We both wanted to find a name that had great meaning to both of us and this journey of life we are on.  As much as I desperately wanted to keep with an "S" name (what can I say? I like alliterations.), we couldn't find one that just fit.  But Gianna... it definitely does.  Here's some of the reasoning behind the name we chose:

Gianna is Italian and means "God is gracious."  This name has so much meaning for us... first of all, Psalm 145:8-9 played a HUGE role in our decision with Whitney to carry to term despite her adverse diagnosis:

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate, 
   slow to anger and rich in love.

 ⁹ The LORD is good to all; 
   he has compassion on all he has made. 

I was so worried about if Whitney was feeling pain, but reading this Psalm helped me know that God is good to all he has made, and she wasn't in pain while I carried her.  My mom read this chapter from the Psalms just moments before Whitney was born, and I read the same passage again at her memorial service.  So I love that the first part of this verse is reflected in our daughter's name.

Also, Sean and I love Italy... it actually played a huge part in our 'love story' while we were dating.  We both went to Italy on separate mission trips in college, then after we were married, we were able to go together.  It holds a very dear place in our hearts!  (And the fact that we decided on this at Olive Garden was just an added bonus.  Olive Garden is actually where we decided on Whitney's name too!  We didn't realize this until later, though.)

And finally, when doing a Wiki search on the name, I learned that Gianna is also the name of a Saint who refused to abort her unborn baby, even though she knew it could result in her death, which it eventually did.  Now, I'm not Catholic and don't pray to saints or anything like that, but I thought it was neat how we chose that name, and then found out that this woman also chose to carry her child, despite the difficult circumstances. 

So... there ya have it!  :)  Oh, and we'll call her "Gia" for short.  :)

We chose her middle name Noelle because we had so much fun and eager anticipation in waiting for Christmas to find out if she was a boy or girl.  :)

Gianna Noelle.... we can't wait to meet you!!!!