The Afters

Our life has been a crazy whirlwind lately.  Sean started a new ministry at an awesome church in Middle America so in just the past month, we moved to a small town, became a one-income household, moved back to a "shared" living situation (duplex) and are continuing to fall more and more in love with Gia every day.  Before we even officially accepted the position at our new church here, it just felt like "home."  We were in California more than 3 years, and in many ways, our new place feels more like home than Fresno ever did.  Our church is warm, inviting, exciting, renewing and most of all, God-fearing & Bible-teaching.  We feel so blessed beyond our dreams. 

But one thing that kept nagging at me before we even moved was that no one in our new home- wherever it was going to be- would know about Whitney.  They hadn't walked with us through my pregnancy and our diagnosis.  They weren't a part of WHitney's memorial service.  No one in our new home would know the "Sean & Shey" before Whitney... they are just getting the Afters.  Not that the Afters version of us is bad... its just different.  We're probably a bit more protective of our Rainbow baby Gia than other new moms & dads might be.  We're probably a bit more sensitive when we hear of friends who miscarry or lose a child.  We definitely get sad at odd times (Christmas, Baby Dedication Sunday, Father's Day Mother's Day, February 11, April 16, etc).  And we certainly have a stronger sense of family and the shortness of the life than we did before.  We are an After version of the couple we were before losing Whitney, but by the grace of God, the Afters are stronger, and more in love with Christ and each other than we were before. 

We've been faced dozens of times with the question of "Is this your first?"  Not wanting to run off every member of our new church family with the story of the past 18 months of our lives, we've chosen to just smile and say "yes" for the most part, trusting that in due time we will be able to share the miracle of life that Whitney is.  God has already blessed me with a friend who has experienced baby loss in her family, and I've been able to talk a lot about Whit with her on several occasions.  I am looking forward to seeing how God is going to use WHitney's life and story in our new location.  I have several ideas for things I'd like to do, and am just praying about what God would have us do.  

I am so thankful for where God has us right now.  I am so thankful for our beautiful girl, Gianna.  She continues to grow day by day.  I've missed Whitney an awful lot lately... thinking of all the things she would be doing, they ways she'd be growing and what she would look like.  Simultaneously, I am delighting in Gia's milestones (rolling over!), reveling in her laughter and covering her with all the love and kisses that any 24 hours time period can possibly hold.  My heart is full.  After Whitney passed away, I wondered if I would always feel that hole in my heart for her.  While I still certainly feel her loss and miss her every day, the Healer of my heart has filled that hole with hope and joy and promise that we will be together again some day.  My heart is so full!

Here's a little family portrait to finish things off!  (This is the only "family" picture we've taken since Gia was born!  Shame on us, I know...)

Ok, for real though: