Email Me

We'd love to hear from you.

You can email us at:

sheyennew@gmail.com

Thank-You

For all that You've done, I will thank You 
Especially the time you gave us with Whitney, and all the lessons we've learned from her 

For all that You're going to do
Like the plans you have for the life of our future little one
For all that You've promised and all that You are
Is all that has carried me through
knowing your goodnesss, love and mercy are never-changing
Jesus, I thank You 

and I thank You
for the friends and family who have stood by our side this past year
thank You Lord
for meeting our every need in our moments of loss
and I thank You
for being the same throughout all our circumstances
thank You Lord
for your sovereignty

Thank You for loving and setting me free
From worrying about our future... it is all in your hands.
Thank You for giving Your life just for me
so we can have the HOPE and PROMISE of Heaven, and holding our little girl again.
How I thank You
for accepting me just as I am, when other people didn't
Jesus, I thank You
that this journey is not over
I gratefully thank You
for the abundant joy that surpasses pain
And I thank You
for the hopes of Heaven!

 

Lotsa Thoughts

I have so many thoughts and emotions swirling around in my head that I found myself playing Plants vs. Zombies today for 3 straight hours.  It was mind-numbingly wonderful.  But even now, as I'm winding down the day, watching my DVR'd "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode, all the thoughts, anxieties, worries, anticipations, de-ja-vu's, and grief are creeping in.

A few months ago, I wasn't even thinking about the impact the holidays would have on my heart... It was still 95 degrees in the middle of October, so I wasn't really thinking Turkey and Santa.  But now I am, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it all.

I have a dozen different streams of thought running through my head right now, each with a blog post that could write itself.... so instead of posting so many different things right now, I"ll post the titles with hopes that maybe someday I'll flesh them out:

1. De Ja Vu From Hell

2. Countdown to D-Day

3. Forgetful on Purpose

4. The Holidays and Loss

And I had about a million more, but Oprah's Fave Things is getting good and I forgot... :)  More later.

 

9 Months, Baby

A recap of my weekend is coming up... but I'm still trying to process it.  Parts of the weekend were to sacred, too precious to even articulate.  I was so incredibly blessed by this weekend.  I feel like the numbness I've been feeling for so long has been stripped away, and I can "feel" again... yes, I'm feeling a lot of sadness, loss and grief but I am also once again feeling the gratitude, the love, God's compassion, His peace, and the joy that bathed my soul when Whitney was born.  Feeling isn't a bad thing... I'm realizing I can't experience the joys unless I walk through the pains.   

 

It's been 9 months since Whitney was born.  Today, it seems like forever ago.  It seems like another life... like a dream. Its hard to believe that we've now been without her longer than we were with her.  Its hard to believe that in another three months it will have been a whole year.  I am forever grateful that God chose me to be Whitney's mommy.  And I am so thankful for the strength and grace he gave us to make it through the difficult decisions we had to make when we found out she was sick.  I would do it all again if I had to. 

 

A Mother's Love

I didn't have to look into your eyes

to fall in love with you.

I didn't have to hear you cry

to know you loved me too.

I didn't need to hold your hand

to cherish you for always.

Within my womb, we shared our hearts,

you touched my soul.

You sweetened my spirit.

You gave me memories I will always hold clear.

Yes, my heart aches since you departed too soon.

But a mother's love does not end with death.

For you are my child,

Forever my love is yours...

~Author Unknown

String Of Pearls Retreat

I am so excited about this weekend... after a very short sleep tonight, I'll be waking up and heading to the airport.  Destination: Colorado!  I will be leaving behind this ridiculous 85 degree November California weather and heading to the beautiful snowy peaks of the Colorado Mountains!

When I was pregnant with Whitney, I found an organization called String of Pearls.  You may remember the LOVE PACKAGE I received from String of Pearl's founder, Laura... I wrote a post about it HERE.  The package was full of all kinds of things that I would have never thought of in dealing with Whitney's birth/death and I was so blessed by it.  Laura was such a source of strength and encouragement to me while I was still carrying Whitney.  She also gave me one of the greatest gifts I received throughout the whole process... she connected me with a woman named Christina, who also lost her daughter to triploidy.  Laura exchanged email addresses betweent Christina and me, and the rest is history.  We were kindred spirits, and Christina is still such an incredible friend and blessing in my life.  I love that our girls are together in Heaven.

Many months ago, Laura contacted me and asked if I'd be interested in being part of a retreat for a few women she's met through String of Pearls.  And the best part???  She was inviting Christina, toO!!!  So tomorrow I am off to a beautiful land to spend a quick but intense weekend with some very beautiful women... none of whom I've actually met in person yet!  We are going to get to share about our angels with each other... I cannot wait to look at Savannah's (Christina's daughter) pictures and to share Whitney's pictures with Christina and the rest of the ladies.  

If you think of us this weekend, would you pray for us?  Pray for our safety as we are all flying in from different parts of the country, and safety as we make the trek up the windy, snowy mountains to God's country.  :)  Pray for the health of all of us... that we'll all feel great and not be sick at all.  I know Christina was sick earlier this week, so extra prayers that she will feel better this weekend!  Pray for us as we heal through our pain.  Its been a while since I've spent a good deal of time just focusing on Whitney... I am looking forward to it, but of course it is always bittersweet.  And finally, pray for Laura... she is such a blessing to so many and I know she has worked super hard in getting all the details of this weekend in place. 

I cannot wait to come back and tell you all about it!!  (Pictures promised!)

Check out the String of Pearls website!