The longer I live, the more I am convinced that God is SUPREMELY GOOD. And not just good because he has to be good (because he's God), but good even when he DOESN'T have to be. Like, when I wouldn't notice one way or the other, if he didn't show his goodness. Does that make sense? He is constantly surprising me in the intimate & extravagant displays of his love for me. He not only wants me to know he loves me, its like he just keeps saying "See??? I LOVE YOU! I will shout it from the mountains and surprise you in the best ways possible. I. LOVE. You, Sheyenne."
We've been studying Kings in church the past couple of weeks and reading from 1 and 2 Samuel. This week's sermon was so relevant to my heart-- it was about David's tragedies of sin. How David had choices to make, and even though he messed up, God still used him to bring forth our Messiah. One of the points our pastor, Nathan, spoke about was this: Will my story be a story of regret or of restoration? He went on to talk about some of the Psalms that David penned while he was in the midst of his transgressions and crying out for God's forgiveness. Psalm 51 is one of those, but then he mentioned another Psalm... Psalm 145.
|Tear-wrinkled pages of my Bible on Psalm 145|
Psalm 145.... its a Psalm I know with the very core of my being. In my Bible the pages of this Psalm are wrinkled with tears that have fallen on them through the years. Here is what Psalm 145 says::
I read Psalm 145 for the first time when I was pregnant with Whitney. The Holy Spirit led me to these verses and my heart was so confused. At first, my tears that fell on the pages were tears of pain. Disbelief. Longing and searching.
Could these words be true, Lord?
Are you really good to all?
Are you really as good and as gracious as David is saying you are???
How can you be good to me in this time right now, when my baby girl-- that you formed inside of me-- is going to die before she even takes a breath?
How are you good to all you have made?
And how can one generation show your works to another, when the next generation of my family is going to die?
What splendors of majesty will we have to tell about?
I fear you, Lord and yet this desire of my heart is seemingly not going to be fulfilled.
Do you truly hear my cries???
Those were my initial thoughts when I read through Psalm 145. Disbelief. Skepticism. The words "incompatible with life" and "terminate immediately" were ringing in my ears. I prayed and wept and kept pouring over this Psalm that the Spirit kept gently guiding me toward. And slowly, in a matter of days, a peace like none other flooded my soul and God SPOKE the words of this Psalm to my heart. He said,
"I am good. I do have compassion on all I have made, even Whitney. Even you, Sheyenne. I am trustworthy, and I am faithful. I will hold you up, and I hear your cries. Whitney's story will indeed tell of my wonderful works, and you will tell of my goodness for many generations to come. I am gracious and compassionate. Praise my name without reservation."
From that moment on, I read this chapter every day and did not waver once on our decision to carry Whitney despite her adverse prenatal diagnosis. When you hear the voice of God so clearly speaking through scripture, its kind of hard to go back on it! This Psalm continued to play an integral part in our journey with Whitney... my mom read this Psalm over me while I was in labor, about to give birth to our precious firstborn. Tears streamed down my face, but I could recite the words with confidence and conviction, knowing they were true. He IS gracious and compassionate, even now. He DOES see me in my pain and hears my cries. I WILL tell of his goodness all of my days, and Whitney's story will be a centerpiece to the millions of ways He has shown his faithfulness and love to ALL he has made.
Back to the sermon today.... Pastor Nathan said that too many people live a life of regret. And the thing about God is, you have to keep reading to the very end! God's restoration is coming!!! We read all through the Old Testament to get to God's redemption of King David.... all through the Old Testament, and then, finally, in the first verses of Matthew, in the New Testament, there is this:
This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah the son of David, the son of Abraham:
The Messiah!!!!! From the lineage of King David!!! Oh, sweet restoration and a story only God could write! I am so thankful that God directed me to Psalm 145 and that he is still restoring and writing my story of brokenness. And even more than that, I am thankful that God would see fit to use a man like David, as flawed as he was, to write the greatest come back story of redemption that history has ever seen.
Our worship leader, Guy Roseen and band played this song, Psalm 145. I had never heard it before but knew it was going to be good and so I recorded it. Excuse the shakiness in some parts... its hard to cry and hold a camera still! But friends, God is so good. He is so, so good. And back to my point about God showing his goodness even when he doesn't have to.... today was one of those examples. I was having a perfectly fine day, but God in his goodness used this song, and these verses to remind me just how good he really is.