Gifts for a Grieving Friend

A question came up in the on-line community that I am a part of about what kind of gifts are appropriate for a friend or acquaintance who has lost a baby.  Many times, people are afraid of offending the grieving parents, but from my personal experience, I can't think of anything that anyone gave me that offended me.  I know I was just thankful that they cared enough to think about me and remember Whitney.  So here are some ideas....

1. A necklace or other piece of jewelry.  I received several beautiful necklaces and bracelets to help me remember Whitney.... they are all different and I LOVE them all!  I wear a different necklace or bracelet almost every day.  My girlfriends from high school all pitched in and got me a bracelet with Whitney's name and purple beads (she was born in Feb).  Handstamped jewelry is really "in" right now, and can be a beautiful piece to give a mom who has lost her baby.  Most of the necklaces I got had Whitney's name and birthdate engraved on them.  I also received a beautiful locket that I LOVE, too.  When I wear these necklaces, I not only remember my daughter, but the loved one(s) who gave me the necklace.  (The one pictured below is from The Vintage Pearl.)

2. Flowers.  As cliche as it may seem, I loved having live flowers in the house after Whitney died.  My favorites were a bouquet of white lillies that some friends brought us in the hospital.  Sean and I have since decided that lillies were "her" flowers.  Another one of my favorites were some beautiful yellow tulips in an awesome vase... bright and cheery... reminded me of the joy Whitney brought to us in her short life.  A personal delivery from yourself and maybe one other person would be nice... but be sensitive to keeping your visit short and to a few people.  

3. Card.  Again, a simple thing but it means a lot.  A heartfelt card with a personal, handwritten message can go a long way.  I still have every single card given to us when Whitney died.

4. Comfort items.  When my boss stopped by my house a few days after Whitney was born, she brought me one of my favorite gifts... an incredibly soft, beautiful blanket.  A blanket intended just for me and bringing me comfort.  She said that she thought I might like something the wrap myself in... and she was right.  It was one of those blankets that you always see in boutiques that are kinda pricey and would probably never buy for yourself but feel oh-so-amazing.  Other ideas for "comfort items" for mom are some fuzzy socks or slippers, bubble bath, lotions or other things like that.

5. Restaurant Gift Cards.  Your friend will probably not feel like getting out of the house for dinner any time soon, and she probably has a handful of people already providing meals.  However, there will come a time when the freezer meals are gone, and she is ready to venture out again.  Restaurant gift cards are a nice gift for this very reason. 

6. Other ideas... A good gift for dad may be a keychain with engravings related to their baby.  Vintage pearl has several, as does many other websites.  The gift of time and services cannot be overestimated, either.  Offer to watch their other kids, spend time with them, make arrangements for necessities, etc.  Obviously, your relationship with the parents will determine your level of involvement in this area.

 

A general rule of thumb is that its better to say and do something than nothing at all.  And a little gesture goes a long way.