Searching for Triploidy

After dusting off the interwebs of this blog yesterday, I was looking at the traffic feed for it.  You know, that little thing that tells you where the blog visitors are coming from, and what brought them to the site.  I think the number one way that new people come to my blog is by searching for triploidy. Just today, in the past 16 hours (which is as far back as I could figure out how to go), 9 people have landed on our page about Triploidy and it makes my heart hurt.  I am glad that they've found our website, and hopefully they take a little time to read about our experiences with Triploidy.  But it makes me sad because each of those site visits represents an individual who has somehow heard the word "triploidy" in reference to a tiny little life they are just coming to know and love.

These visitors have been from all over the place... Ohio, Minnesota, Massachusetts, the UK, and Germany.  But the thing that connects us all is that we're all searching for triploidy... what causes triploidy?  Is there a cure for triploidy?  What is the survival rate of triploidy?  Unfortunately, none of the answers are encouraging.  But I hope that when someone searches for triploidy in Google or Yahoo or wherever, they find our story.  And they are able to see the joy that we have from continuing to carry the pregnancy our daughter who had triploidy.  Sure, the ultimate outcome of Whitney's life was still the same-- she passed away.  But the blessings and hope and joys that we experienced along the journey are so great.

I guess this is just a little interlude to say to those who've found us by searching for triploidy, I get it.  And I'm sorry.  You're probably in a whirlwind of emotions, doctor visits, advice and fear.  I'd love to talk to you if you want... you can email me or leave a message here, as I do check it regularly.  Just know that you don't have to walk this road alone.  There are even some unexpected blessings to behold that may be waiting along this difficult road for you. And please know one more thing... when I see that you've visited my site, I pray for you.  For your family.  For your friends.  Your doctors and specialists.  And I pray for your little one.  I pray for a miracle for you.  And I pray that as you enter this difficult season of life, you will know the grace and love and peace of God more than you have ever known it before.

Psalm 145:8-9 

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
   slow to anger and rich in love.  ⁹ The LORD is good to all;
   he has compassion on all he has made.

The Afters

Our life has been a crazy whirlwind lately.  Sean started a new ministry at an awesome church in Middle America so in just the past month, we moved to a small town, became a one-income household, moved back to a "shared" living situation (duplex) and are continuing to fall more and more in love with Gia every day.  Before we even officially accepted the position at our new church here, it just felt like "home."  We were in California more than 3 years, and in many ways, our new place feels more like home than Fresno ever did.  Our church is warm, inviting, exciting, renewing and most of all, God-fearing & Bible-teaching.  We feel so blessed beyond our dreams. 

But one thing that kept nagging at me before we even moved was that no one in our new home- wherever it was going to be- would know about Whitney.  They hadn't walked with us through my pregnancy and our diagnosis.  They weren't a part of WHitney's memorial service.  No one in our new home would know the "Sean & Shey" before Whitney... they are just getting the Afters.  Not that the Afters version of us is bad... its just different.  We're probably a bit more protective of our Rainbow baby Gia than other new moms & dads might be.  We're probably a bit more sensitive when we hear of friends who miscarry or lose a child.  We definitely get sad at odd times (Christmas, Baby Dedication Sunday, Father's Day Mother's Day, February 11, April 16, etc).  And we certainly have a stronger sense of family and the shortness of the life than we did before.  We are an After version of the couple we were before losing Whitney, but by the grace of God, the Afters are stronger, and more in love with Christ and each other than we were before. 

We've been faced dozens of times with the question of "Is this your first?"  Not wanting to run off every member of our new church family with the story of the past 18 months of our lives, we've chosen to just smile and say "yes" for the most part, trusting that in due time we will be able to share the miracle of life that Whitney is.  God has already blessed me with a friend who has experienced baby loss in her family, and I've been able to talk a lot about Whit with her on several occasions.  I am looking forward to seeing how God is going to use WHitney's life and story in our new location.  I have several ideas for things I'd like to do, and am just praying about what God would have us do.  

I am so thankful for where God has us right now.  I am so thankful for our beautiful girl, Gianna.  She continues to grow day by day.  I've missed Whitney an awful lot lately... thinking of all the things she would be doing, they ways she'd be growing and what she would look like.  Simultaneously, I am delighting in Gia's milestones (rolling over!), reveling in her laughter and covering her with all the love and kisses that any 24 hours time period can possibly hold.  My heart is full.  After Whitney passed away, I wondered if I would always feel that hole in my heart for her.  While I still certainly feel her loss and miss her every day, the Healer of my heart has filled that hole with hope and joy and promise that we will be together again some day.  My heart is so full!

Here's a little family portrait to finish things off!  (This is the only "family" picture we've taken since Gia was born!  Shame on us, I know...)

Ok, for real though: