I Wonder....

Today is Whitney's second birthday.  And as I sit here and watch my 9 month old daughter go back and forth between unfolding the laundry I just folded and chewing on blocks, I wonder what life would be like with a two year old. 

I wonder...

what words would she know?

what foods would she like?

what foods would she hate?

would she like to dance?

would she like dolls or dinosaurs?

stripes or polka dots?

would her hair be long or still slowly growing (like Gia)?

I could go on and on with a list as long as my arm of things I wonder about Whitney.  But I am so thankful for the time we did have with her while she was in my tummy, and the gift of carrying her for 31 weeks.  Because we chose to carry her, there are so many things I don't have to wonder about. 

I don't have to wonder if she could have been healed on this earth... I know now that wasn't God's plan.

I don't have to wonder who she would have looked like... she looked a lot like me.

I don't have to wonder if she would have curly hair... she did.

I don't have to wonder if her second toe would be longer than her first... it was.

I don't have to wonder what it would be like to actually hold her in my arms... I held her for hours. 

I don't have to wonder if God would really make good on his promises to sustain the brokenhearted and heal gaping souls... he does and still is. 

Even though we knew Whitney would not live life on earth with us, our decision to let her live out what short time God gave us with her here made all the difference in the world.  We have no regrets in the way we honored her life. And because we have hope in Christ, we don't have to wonder if we will ever see her again.  We will. 

After Whitney was born, the doctor ordered an ultrasound to see if I had fully delivered everything, or if I would need to also have a D & C.  The ultrasound tech who came into our room said, "I'm sorry for your loss.  But it looks like you know you will see her again."  With all the confidence in the world, I said "Oh, we WILL."  I am so grateful that God loves us enough that he sent his Son to earth, to die for my sins, so that we can be in Heaven with Him for eternity.  And in doing so, death is not the end.  I am so eternally grateful for that. 

So while it feels like we're two years further away from the day we last held our baby girl, in reality, we are two years closer to holding her in Heaven.  And I'm thankful for the things I don't have to wonder about, but have confidence in knowing. 

Another Song

Another song that really ministered to me with Whitney was Hillsong's "Desert Song."  I wrote about it HERE.  I vividly remember sitting on the edge of my bathtub, listening to this song in the morning as I was getting ready.  It geared me up for the day & gave me the perspective I needed to carry on. 

 

I hope you are all planning to keep your eyes open for a Random Act of Kindness opportunity this weekend!  I'd love to hear what you did... just pop back over here and leave a comment! 

I Will Carry You

In this week leading up to Whitney's second birthday, I want to share some beautiful songs that ministered to me while I was carrying her, and that are still speaking to my heart now.  The first one is "I Will Carry You" by Selah.  Its a beautiful song that so eloquently speaks the words of my heart. 

Angie Smith carried her daughter Audrey, knowing Audrey was not expected to live. Her story is one that encouraged me and gave me the strength to carry Whitney.

Whitney's Name in Bean Bags

I made these alphabet bean bags for my nieces a few weeks ago.  Before I gave them to them, though, I took a few seconds to snap some pictures for Whitney's name gallery!  :)

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below: 

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.

2012 RAOK Day Printables

Here are a couple of fun printable pages that you can use when you are doing your Random Acts of Kindness.  You can just print them out, and include them in whatever you are doing.  For instance, last year, we gave a gift card to a dad and daughter at Olive Garden.  We purchased the gift card from our waitress when we paid for our meal, then slid one of the RAOK cards in with the gift card before we handed it to them.  The first printable can be used as a foldable card... the second is just flat, like a business card.  You can pay for the car behind you at Starbucks and have the barista hand them the card; tuck it in with a gift card; tape it to a vending machine along with some quarters; leave it in your mailbox along with a candy bar and thank you note for your mailman... the possibilities are endless!

Click the link for the PDF or click the pic for the JPG.

Download RAOK Tent Cards 2012

Download RAOK Cards 2012

Whitney's Day 2012- An Invitation for YOU!

I cannot believe Whitney's second birthday is just one week away.  I hope to write more on the subject, but I just wanted to get this post up to remind everyone that we are going to do another RAOK day, and would LOVE to have you all join us! 

You can read about all of last years' fun HERE.  There are some great ideas on Random Acts of Kindness HERE.  And soon I will have the printable versions of this year's cards up.  (Hopefully tomorrow (Sunday)).

So... will you guys please plan to join us next Saturday in sprinkling our world with a littl RAOK love, in memory of Whitney?  I am so excited to share her birthday with you all!  Feel free to share this invitation with others, too.