Sweet Little Ladybug- From Alice

A good friend of our family, Alice, made this for us months ago... and I completely forgot to add it to Whit's Name Gallery!  I'm sorry Alice!  I absolutely LOVE this beautiful cross-stitch bookmark... although I'm not using it as a bookmark right now.  It was just too pretty... more like a piece of art, so we framed it!  I love how delicate the border on this is, and of course, the sweet little ladybug is perfect!

Thank you so much Alice!!

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.  :-)

Wordle from Tabitha

I am continually amazed and impresse with how creative you guys are with your name gallery pictures!!!  This one came from Tabitha, a woman I met through our online Birth Board/Discussion group.  She is also pregnant and due around the same time I am.... thank you so much for creating this Wordle for Whitney!!

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.  :-)

 

Canada Represent! From Annie

A blog reader, Annie just sent me this great name picture for Whitney's gallery.  She is from Milton, Canada and noticed that WHitney didn't have any representation from Canada in her name gallery, so she created this on the computer for us!

I love it!  Thank you so much for taking the time to create this for us, Annie!

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.  :-)

Is This Your First?

"Is this your first baby?"

Oh, the dreaded question.  This little string of 5 unassuming words has struck fear and sorrow in the hearts and minds of every single baby loss momma I know.  The inner battle the commences as soon as this inquiry escapes the lips of a stranger is indescribable.  

Immediately, the options rocket to the surface:

Option A: Do I tell this person that no, this is not my first baby... my first baby was actually born a year ago, but she died?

Option B: Do I tell her that yes, this is my first baby and let the conversation rest there?

To those who have never faced this quandry, it may not seem like a big deal.  But to those of us with an angel in heaven, it is a HUGE deal... one that can change our mood or productivity for an entire day or more.  

Yesterday, I was at the doctor's office getting my 1-hour Glucose test done.  I gleefully consumed the orange goop and endured the horrific elevator music for more than an hour, because I was just so thankful to be this far along in my pregnancy with Gianna.  Gianna.  My second baby.  I did the same test with Whitney when I was also 26 weeks pregnant.  The phlebotomist asked me then if this was my first baby.  That time, it really was my first baby.  I knew about Whitney's condition, but decided not to mention it when the woman started talking to me about what a joy daughters are.  For that brief 5 minute conversation, I pretended that everything with Whitney was ok, and that I would actually get to bring her home.  But I knew differently.  But for those brief, fleeting moment, it felt good to dream of that scenario.

I don't know why I didn't think about it or prepare an answer in my mind for the inevitable question: Is this your first baby?  Immediately, like I said, Options A & B arose.  If I go with Option A, telling this stranger with a needle in my arm that 'no, this isn't my first... my first baby died' carries with it a couple of problems.  

One, can I say it without crying?  (I've gotten better at this, but it really just depends on the day.)     

Two, I didn't really feel like hearing again, "Oh, I am so sorry."  Followed by awkward silence for the remainder of the time Mrs. Dracula is sucking my blood.  I can't explain it, but I actually feel sorry for  people who ask me this question and I then I tell them Whitney died.  It just goes to show how uncomfortable our society is with death.

And Three, Do I really want to get into a conversation about this?  Or do I really just want to give the blood and get out?  

On the other hand, Option A acknowledges my baby.  It tells another person that yes, she was real and she was here.  I held her in my arms, kissed her cheeks, touched her nose, and have her footprints in my Bible.  Like the ancient Egyptian proverb says, "To speak the name of the dead is to make them live again."

And then there is Option B.  Just simply nod and give a quick "yes" when asked if this is my first baby.  But there is, of course, one major MAJOR problem with that.  It denies my firstborn.  It erases my baby for the purpose of that conversation.  And it breaks my heart.  But on the flip-side, it usually ends the conversation, no one is uncomfortable, and really, the stranger is none-the-wiser.

So what did I do yesterday?  I went with Option B.  I knew that I'd only be in the blood suckee chair for literally, a few moments longer, and just wanted to get out of there.  I nodded in the affirmative, that yes this is my first baby.  Mrs. Dracula just smiled in return, withdrew the needle and wrapped my arm in some sticky flesh-colored gauze.  (For the record, I'd have preferred a Scooby Doo band-aid.)

Last weekend, at the Volunteer Brunch for my work, a lady asked me the same question.  Only this time, I went with Option A.  I told her that actually, we had a daughter who was born in February, but she passed away.  So this would be our first "take home baby."  It was a more comfortable setting for me to be vulnerable in that way.  And even though it is still awkward to go with Option A sometimes, as Whitney's mom, I get over that pretty quickly.  

I have come a long way in this past year in this area specifically.  I will never forget the first time after Whitney was born that someone asked me that question.  I had just become a Mary Kay consultant and was being introduced at the weekly group meeting.  The district director asked me to tell a little about myself, and asked if I had any kids.  Why hadn't I anticipated this question?!?  My whole body went cold and I just answered "no."  For the rest of the night, and the next days following, I beat myself up over and over for this answer.  It was only one month after Whitney was born.  My body was still showing signs of her birth, and I had just denied her existence!  Oh, it was bad.

But I have since learned to give myself grace in this area.  I know she was here.  All of you know she was here.  And most importantly, she's still in my heart and praising God in heaven.  So sometimes, the situation calls for an Option A answer.  Other times, its Option B.  And I am learning to be ok with that.  But its taken quite a while.  

 

 

New Blog Features

You may notice I've changed things up just a little bit on our blog... so here's a recap of the new features.  Hopefully, it will make it a bit easier to get around, find specific things, and share with your friends!

1. SEARCH FEATURE.  Trying to find a post that you sorta remember reading a long time ago?  Or want to know what we had to say on a specific topic, like for instance, grief?  Just type in what you're searching for in this box, click the little eyeglass icon, and you should be able to find what you're looking for!

2. EMAIL ME.  We love to get email!  So if you want to email us, just click here.  You can also leave a comment on any post, and we should be able to get it and respond to you.  

3. SUBSCRIBE.  Click here to subscribe to our blog feed.  This will update you not only when we add new posts, but also when we add new page content!

4. WHITNEY'S BLOG BUTTON.  Ok, so its not new, but I just wanted to point it out again.  You can put Whitney's button on your blog by just copying and pasting the code in the box below the button.  Then, go back to your blog and add an HTML element; paste this code in the box, and voila... and instant linky button to Whitney's site.  :)

5. LIKE ME!  Like someting you read and want to share it on Facebook?  Sharing is caring, right?  Just click the "like" button to post it directly to your Facebook profile and share the love.  

6. LEFT COLUMN.  This column has button links to the photo albums that we think are most peritnent.  You can also find the link to our Quotes page, too.  I'll add important link buttons here as they come up!

RAOK Day

February 11, 2011
First Annual Whitney Jill
Random Act of Kindness (RAOK) Day!   

What the RAOK Day Is All About

Thank you so much to every one who participated in our First Annual Random Act of Kindness Day!  Almost 200 of our friends and family joined us in spreading the love and legacy of our daughter, Whitney.  We had a great time reading the stories about the lives you touched and the way these RAOK's touched your hearts.

I hope I got everyone's recaps posted here... If I missed anyone who sent their story in to me, please let me know!  And if you are continuing to do your RAOK's, you can still send them in!  We are definitely looking forward to doing this every year!!

Here's the recaps all in one place:

RAOK Day Recap Part One (What Sheyenne & I did for our RAOK's)
RAOK Day Recap Part Two (What our friends and family did)
RAOK Day Recap Part Three
RAOK Day Recap Part Four 

And here are some more links from the RAOK Day 2011

An Invitation For YOU!
RAOK Day 2011 Printables
THANK YOU!

Ideas for RAOK's:

Ideas for RAOK's
Snowed-In RAOK Ideas

Again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU so much for all of your love and for remembering our daughter with us on her first birthday.  We look forward to next year!!!

Psalm 145:8-12

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate, 
   slow to anger and rich in love.
 ⁹ The LORD is good to all; 
   he has compassion on all he has made. 

¹⁰ All your works praise you, LORD; 
   your faithful people extol you. 
¹¹ They tell of the glory of your kingdom 
   and speak of your might, 
¹² so that all people may know of your mighty acts 
   and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

Gifts for a Grieving Friend

A question came up in the on-line community that I am a part of about what kind of gifts are appropriate for a friend or acquaintance who has lost a baby.  Many times, people are afraid of offending the grieving parents, but from my personal experience, I can't think of anything that anyone gave me that offended me.  I know I was just thankful that they cared enough to think about me and remember Whitney.  So here are some ideas....

1. A necklace or other piece of jewelry.  I received several beautiful necklaces and bracelets to help me remember Whitney.... they are all different and I LOVE them all!  I wear a different necklace or bracelet almost every day.  My girlfriends from high school all pitched in and got me a bracelet with Whitney's name and purple beads (she was born in Feb).  Handstamped jewelry is really "in" right now, and can be a beautiful piece to give a mom who has lost her baby.  Most of the necklaces I got had Whitney's name and birthdate engraved on them.  I also received a beautiful locket that I LOVE, too.  When I wear these necklaces, I not only remember my daughter, but the loved one(s) who gave me the necklace.  (The one pictured below is from The Vintage Pearl.)

2. Flowers.  As cliche as it may seem, I loved having live flowers in the house after Whitney died.  My favorites were a bouquet of white lillies that some friends brought us in the hospital.  Sean and I have since decided that lillies were "her" flowers.  Another one of my favorites were some beautiful yellow tulips in an awesome vase... bright and cheery... reminded me of the joy Whitney brought to us in her short life.  A personal delivery from yourself and maybe one other person would be nice... but be sensitive to keeping your visit short and to a few people.  

3. Card.  Again, a simple thing but it means a lot.  A heartfelt card with a personal, handwritten message can go a long way.  I still have every single card given to us when Whitney died.

4. Comfort items.  When my boss stopped by my house a few days after Whitney was born, she brought me one of my favorite gifts... an incredibly soft, beautiful blanket.  A blanket intended just for me and bringing me comfort.  She said that she thought I might like something the wrap myself in... and she was right.  It was one of those blankets that you always see in boutiques that are kinda pricey and would probably never buy for yourself but feel oh-so-amazing.  Other ideas for "comfort items" for mom are some fuzzy socks or slippers, bubble bath, lotions or other things like that.

5. Restaurant Gift Cards.  Your friend will probably not feel like getting out of the house for dinner any time soon, and she probably has a handful of people already providing meals.  However, there will come a time when the freezer meals are gone, and she is ready to venture out again.  Restaurant gift cards are a nice gift for this very reason. 

6. Other ideas... A good gift for dad may be a keychain with engravings related to their baby.  Vintage pearl has several, as does many other websites.  The gift of time and services cannot be overestimated, either.  Offer to watch their other kids, spend time with them, make arrangements for necessities, etc.  Obviously, your relationship with the parents will determine your level of involvement in this area.

 

A general rule of thumb is that its better to say and do something than nothing at all.  And a little gesture goes a long way.  

 

Love these Name Photos!

Whitney's first birthday is fast approaching.  (February 11)  I have a couple of "fun" things planned, but I am still working on it... I will share it with you soon!  There is even a way that you can be a part of Whitney's First Birthday Celebration-- no matter where you live in the world!  So stay tuned for that....  :)

Over the past year, many of you have sent me pictures for Whitney's name gallery... and let me just tell you, I LOVE THEM!!!  I treasure each and every one of them, as well as each and every one of you who took the time to snap a picture of our baby girl's name. 

For Whitney's birthday, I would love to get even more name pictures to add to her gallery.  I am hoping to someday put together a book of all the pictures of her name, and the special people who sent them to us.  So, one way that you can join Sean and I in remembering Whitney on her first birthday is to take a picture of her name and send it to me!  My email is:  sheyennew (at) gmail (dot) com.  Here is just a sampling of the beautiful pictures we've received this past year:

  
 
Whitney's name has been written beaches from North Carolina to Long beach, Egypt to Hawaii, and St. John's to Ocho Rios!
 
 
 Her name has been written on flower petals and tree trunks, easter eggs and walls, lollipops and legos.
 
 
And you've found her name on souvenier trinkets from all over the place, too... San Francisco, Nashville, Key West and Disneyworld!

You can see the rest of Whitney's Name Gallery pictures by clicking the photo below:

And if you're wondering what's up with this name thing, click HERE.  :-)

Crowd Surfing

I know I've said it before, but I am so very blessed to work with an amazing group of women at the Pregnancy Care Center.  We had our annual volunteer appreciation brunch Saturday morning, and it was such a great time of fellowship.  We spent a couple of hours just really appreciating and thanking our tireless volunteers who are truly the heart of our ministry.  

Our nurse manager, Kelli, was unable to be at the brunch because her dad has recently become very ill with cancer.  He is going down hill fast and they just called in hospice this past week.  It has been great to see the love, prayers and support we have all pitched in on her behalf as she is going through this difficult time.

And I know very well how great an assett that support is.  You may remember, right after our ultrasound with Whitney that showed some concerns, it was Thanksgiving.  I didn't go back to work for a couple of weeks because we had already planned a trip to Cincinnati to visit family.  But, during that time, while we were waiting for answers and praying for healing, the women I work with signed up to be on a continual fast.  One dear woman even fasted and prayed for us ON THANKSGIVING!  

It is ultimately Christ who gives us strength to continue a pregnancy in the midst of a fatal diganosis.  But I believe that in situations like that, the reality of God's people being His hands and feet is more palpable than ever.  Some of my fellow baby loss moms found their support from their church leaders; others have found the support needed to carry a baby with an adverse diagnosis from their family, friends, doctors, etc.  I can't say that a lot of support came from my church leaders, I can tell you that without the women in my work community, carrying Whitney would have been a lot harder.  (I actually call it my work/faith community, because it is a Christ-centered environment, filled with women of the Word and wisdom.)  They were and still are a critical part of this journey we are walking in life. 

Galatians 6:2 says:
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 

The women I work with truly "get" this verse.  In the past two years, our staff has experienced a lot of loss, some traumatic situations and tense relationship-- just in our personal lives... not even talking about the life or death situations we encounter on a daily basis in the counseling room.  

Back to what I was say earlier about Kelli... since she was unable to attend the brunch, she sent a little message that we read.  In this note, she talked about the "Footprints in the Sand" poem.  The gist of the poem is that in the difficult times, God is not only with us, but he is carrying us in His arms.  Kelli expressed her heartfelt thanks for the support we, at the PCC have been giving her, and that she pictured us "crowd surfing" her to throne of God... raising her up with our hands, carrying her in one of the toughest seasons of her life.

I love that... as Christians, that's what we are supposed to do!  God calls us to bear one another's burdens, and sometimes, that means carrying a brother or sister when they can't walk themselves.  In a group setting, I imagine that would look a lot like crowd surfing.  :)

 

Sometimes...

(Picture taken by Aunt Megan & cousins Emmalia & Kaira, in Wisconsin snow. Jan 2011)

I miss her so much, its hard to breathe.  My chest gets tight, my eyes well with tears and it just hurts.

God I miss her.

11 Months

1.11.11

Its been 11 months since we held our baby.

That means its almost been a year.

A year sounds like such a long time, but it seems like just yesterday.

Everything around us right now is so uncertain.  Things are changing so fast, but I feel like I've been doing lately is waiting.  I'm ready for there to be some kind of normalcy again.  Oh wait... I'm living a new normal now.  Hm.  If only I could figure out what that is, maybe I could start living it.  

We listed our house today.  So sad to let it go.  But if you know anyone looking for an absolute steal on a nice house in a great area, let me know.  

Gift of a Lifetime

I just saw this great new resource that Focus on the Family has produced.  It is SO wonderful!  At my work at the Pregnancy Care Center, we use a lot of FOTF resources, and they are all so wonderfully written, factual and poignant.

This pamphlet has some beautiful stories and pictures of familes that chose to carry, including some dear friends... like Laura from String of Pearls.  (Remember her?  HERE and HERE.)  

It is a beautiful pamphlet... you should check it out:

Gift of a Lifetime

What Is In A Name?

Juliet:

What's in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

While Juliet Capulet may have been lamenting to her star-crossed lover, Romeo Montague, that a name is just an artificial and meaningless convention, anyone who has ever had to choose a name for their child might beg to differ. 

Sean and I have spent the last week going through a list of about dozen names that we both just "liked" but didn't LOVE.  However, yesterday morning there was one that just struck a chord with both of us.  Sean and I used a christmas gift card to Olive Garden and treated ourselves to a yummy lunch at Whitney's favorite restaurant yesterday.  We tried the name out as we munched on our yummy salad, breadsticks and entrees, and by the end of the day, it was set.  We have a name!  Her name is...

Gianna Noelle

We both wanted to find a name that had great meaning to both of us and this journey of life we are on.  As much as I desperately wanted to keep with an "S" name (what can I say? I like alliterations.), we couldn't find one that just fit.  But Gianna... it definitely does.  Here's some of the reasoning behind the name we chose:

Gianna is Italian and means "God is gracious."  This name has so much meaning for us... first of all, Psalm 145:8-9 played a HUGE role in our decision with Whitney to carry to term despite her adverse diagnosis:

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate, 
   slow to anger and rich in love.

 ⁹ The LORD is good to all; 
   he has compassion on all he has made. 

I was so worried about if Whitney was feeling pain, but reading this Psalm helped me know that God is good to all he has made, and she wasn't in pain while I carried her.  My mom read this chapter from the Psalms just moments before Whitney was born, and I read the same passage again at her memorial service.  So I love that the first part of this verse is reflected in our daughter's name.

Also, Sean and I love Italy... it actually played a huge part in our 'love story' while we were dating.  We both went to Italy on separate mission trips in college, then after we were married, we were able to go together.  It holds a very dear place in our hearts!  (And the fact that we decided on this at Olive Garden was just an added bonus.  Olive Garden is actually where we decided on Whitney's name too!  We didn't realize this until later, though.)

And finally, when doing a Wiki search on the name, I learned that Gianna is also the name of a Saint who refused to abort her unborn baby, even though she knew it could result in her death, which it eventually did.  Now, I'm not Catholic and don't pray to saints or anything like that, but I thought it was neat how we chose that name, and then found out that this woman also chose to carry her child, despite the difficult circumstances. 

So... there ya have it!  :)  Oh, and we'll call her "Gia" for short.  :)

We chose her middle name Noelle because we had so much fun and eager anticipation in waiting for Christmas to find out if she was a boy or girl.  :)

Gianna Noelle.... we can't wait to meet you!!!!