Today I am linking up with other moms who have lost children from Kelly's Korner blog. I am so thankful that Kelly is doing this... Losing a child is difficult and can be a very isolating tragedy. It helps so much to know that I am not alone in my grief. This is the blog my husband and I started when we found out 20 weeks into my first pregnancy that our daughter had a fatal condition called Triploidy. The doctors all told us to abort our daughter- triploidy is always, ALWAYS fatal. Talk about no room for hope! But my husband and I knew that we serve a God of hope, and chose instead to continue my pregnance, and let God choose when He would take her home. We figured that we had no hand in starting her tiny little heartbeat, and we had no right to make a decision to stop it.
There was one verse in the Bible that really helped us make the decision to continue our pregnancy...Psalm 145
8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
This showed us that for reasons beyond our comprehension, God has allowed this to happen to us. But it also reassured us that He is GOOD to all he has made, including our baby girl.
My husband is a youth minister, and at the time I was pregnant, I worked at a crisis pregnancy center. Some days it felt like a huge knife being thrust into my gut- seeing countless women, mostly young teenagers, who were pregnant and did not want their babies then there was me, pregnant with a baby we had longed for so much, knowing she would die. I learned the value of life in that season, and that the Lord truly is gracious and compassionate to all His children. In spite of my personal pain, God was teaching me to love people regardless of my circumstances.
Throughout my pregnancy with Whitney Jill, there were many bittersweet moments. The pain of knowing this baby would never crawl, or take her first steps, or say "mama" and "dada" was mixed with the joy of finally being pregnant after 3 long years of trying, and knowing that no matter what the outcome, we were parents! Even though there was much sadness over what would never be, there was so much joy over the things God was teaching us through our tiny unborn baby.
Whitney was born February 11, 2010. Her heart had stopped beating the day before I delivered her. I was 31 weeks pregnant. We were able to hold her, take pictures, bathe her, dress her, sing to her and kiss her. I am forever changed because of her short life, and I know we will never forget her.
Here are some links to a few key posts:
He Sings Over Me (God's Loving Care)
The worst thing for a parent who has lost a child is the thought that that child may be forgotten. We are blessed with some great friends who love to hear about Whitney, aren't afraid to ask questions and who will listen when I want to share something special about her. That's another reason I think this link-up is so great... it allows us as parents to share about our children who are no longer here with us. The truth is, I think about Whitney every single day. Its been two years, and not a day goes by that I don't long to hold her. So I am thankful for times like this where I can share more of my baby girl with others.
The rest of the story about us is, life does go on... we have since had another baby girl, Gianna (which means the Lord is gracious) who is completely, 100% HEALTHY and an amazing blessing to our lives. She is a beautiful illustration of God's redeeming love. I blog about our family life HERE.
(This is our little family on Easter!)
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