*deep breath*
October is baby loss awareness month. 3 years ago, this month meant nothing to me, other than Breast Cancer Awareness month. I knew people wore pink to support a cause, but I wasn't personally connected to that. This month- October- as baby loss awareness month, meant nothing to me until, well, until I lost a baby.
I love Fall. Everything about it... the colors, the smells, the cooler temps, the pumpkin spice everything. But inevitably, there's a moment the comes every October that hits me like a ton of bricks. Its that moment where I remember, amidst all the warm fuzzies of Fall, that the cold is coming. In addition to an increase of reminders of my status as a "baby loss mom", the cold month of February is just around the corner. The month our Whitney was born and died. Don't get me wrong- there is so much beauty in our story... the grace of God's timing, the goodness His sovereignty, the beauty of Whitney herself. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. Ten months our of the year, life seems to lug along, business as usual. But October and February hard. They're reminders of what we had and no longer hold in our arms.
In the past, I've tried to blog through the month-- without much success. So I'm not setting any time limit on anything or saying that I'll be writing every day. With a busy toddler, that's just unrealisitic. But I do want to participate in something that Carly Marie is doing with Project Heal called "Capture Your Grief." If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen a couple photos with that hashtag. Its a great set of photo prompts to encourage remembering our children who have passed away. I eventually want to get to them all, so know that I am working on it. Here's the line-up for this month.
So I'm still here. Surviving and thriving, but missing her, too.
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