My Baby Girl

My name is Sean and I am married to the most wonderful woman in the whole world.  This past July we found out that we were pregnant for the very first time.  This was wonderful news since we had been trying for the past three years with no luck.  In fact, we had given up trying and were beginning the process to adopt a baby boy from Africa.  While we were waiting to hear back from the adoption agency we found out we had finally conceived! 

When we found out we were having a baby we became so excited.  My wife told half the world before she even told me!  Then she told me that we weren't going to tell people, which really did not stop me from being the most excited dad in the world.  We were able to tell my dad in person he was going to be a grandpa.  We gave him a shirt that had the word "grandpa" on it and he quickly glanced at it and then said thanks.  Sheyenne and I looked at each other and laughed because he had not read what it said, so I told him to look again and then it clicked and we all laughed. 

From the very beginning I knew we were having a girl.  No part of me ever expected to see a boy part and when we went for the ultrasound, and my feelings were confirmed when the doctor said, "you are having a girl."  In that moment I became excited and all of the arguments that I had with my wife about girl names ended and I saw my baby girl Whitney.  After we were done with the ultrasound the nurse asked us if we would wait in the waiting room while she showed the pictures to the doctor.  We knew what that meant and we began waiting to find out what was wrong.  The doctor came out and we began talking with him as he told us that our fairy tale  would not play out the way we imagined.  He told us that Whitney had a few soft markers that might lead to down syndrome and he wanted to get a second opinion on the ultrasound.  So we planned another appointment at Valley Children's Hospital. 

When we arrived two days later we had no clue what was waiting for us.  In those two days we prayed that our baby would not have downs and that all that was wrong would not be seen.  Well, three hours of looking at ultrasounds later, the doctors confirmed all that had been previously seen and found even more wrong with our baby girl.  Two meetings later and five hours total we left the hospital with our hopes dashed on the ground.  We were given very little hope that our baby would survive all that she was up against.  We had to go back two weeks later for a follow-up appointment to see if anything would get better.  Lucky for us, we had a trip planned to visit family and that visit was just what our souls needed.  God was able to fill our tanks up with great family, great friends, and great food! 

Yesterday we went back to the hospital for our follow up appointment only to find much of the same from our last.  Whitney has grown a little, but the areas where growth was needed she seems even more stunted.  The same complications were still there and the doctors gave us no new hope.  We rejoice because yesterday I got to see my baby girl yet again, and I long for the next meeting we get to have.  We have no clue how long we have with her and if we will ever get the chance to see her alive but I thank God for the few moments I got yesterday to see her again. 

We truly have no clue how this will play out, again the doctors really give us no hope.  But I do know one thing.  God loves my daughter more than I will ever know.  My prayer is for the miracle of life, to be able to see my girl and hold her in my hands and my eternal hope is that if I can't in this life I will in the next. 

The 145 Psalm verse 9 comforts me and reminds me of God's true nature.  It says "The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made."  This is my daughters story and I hope to be able to write more about her in the coming years.