Day 6: How Many Kids?

Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?

This is probably one of the hardest questions that a baby loss mom will have to deal with.  I will never forget the first time someone asked me this question after Whitney died.  I was at a Mary Kay event with a friend, and I had to stand up and introduce myself.  It was exactly one month to the day after I'd had Whitney, and the director asked if I had any kids.  I was still so raw and sad, I just wanted to crawl away... so I said no.  I cried the entire way home, then tried to explain to Sean how I felt like I had just denied my only child who had died.  It was horrible.

Since then, I've learned to give myself a little bit of grace when the question arises.  Sometimes, I've surprised myself and said, "Yes, I had a daughter but she passed away."  But reactions are usually worse than just saying "no."  Take for instance, the waiter at Olive Garden the day we went to eat there after Whitney's memorial service.  She asked if we were celebrating anything so I, feeling brave, said yes... we were celebrating my daughter **waitress's face begins to light up with a smile** who was now in Heaven. **waitress's face falls to the floors as she flusters around to verbally vomit an apology while trying to run away from us as fast as possible.**  It was awkward, to say the least.

So really, it depends on the situation, the surroundings, and the person who is asking.  I'm now able to say that we have two daughters, one who has passed away.  I can usually say that without crying, so that's progress, right?  But it is such a tricky question.