Yes, this is Sheyenne writing a post about a Dad's grief... why, you may ask? Its not becuase I know how it feels to be a grieving father, but I am learning what its like to be a grieving mother alongside that father. Many people told us that men and women grieve differently and that we should allow each other to grieve in our own way. I cannot speak for what my husband feels, but I can tell you what an amazing rock he is for me. While I was pregnant, he was quick to do whatever I needed, before I even lifted a finger to do it for myself. He made late-night trips to the store for must-have cravings and the can't-sleep-without-them, Tums. I honestly expected that to stop once I was no longer pregnant... but it hasn't. He is still just as sweet, caring and lovingly attentive as he was 3 months ago. I love him so much. He lets me cry my eyes out when I need to; he brings me box after box of Kleenex, all while just holding me. I know he wants to make it all better and it kills him to see me so upset.
But I know he is upset too. He is dealing with the loss of a daughter. He is comforting me even through his loss. Yes, losing Whitney is a loss to us as a family, but its also a loss to us as individuals. He is losing Daddy-Daughter dances, intimidating dates on Prom night, teaching her how to drive and walking her down the aisle.
Why am I writing all of this? Basically just to brag on my baby-daddy... to tell you all how awesome he is. And how much I love him. And what a great daddy he is to Whitney and how incredible he is as my husband. People always ask how I am doing, but not many ask how he is doing. I came across this poem that I think is really good and just thought I'd share...
It must be very difficultA Dad's Grief
to be a man in grief
since men don't cry and men are strong
no tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
to stand up to the test
and take the calls and visitors
so she can get some rest
They always ask if she's all right
and what she's going through
but seldom take his hand and ask
"My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night
and thinks his heart will break
he dries her tears and comforts her
but stays strong for her sake
It must be very difficult to start each day anew
and try to be so very brave
He lost his baby too.
-Author Unknown
So beautiful and absolutely perfect. I was amazed by all he took on in our grief even though I knew how he hurt. He fielded the visitors and calls, he brought me chocolate and all the other comfort things. I kind of think that part of grieving for Men is that they need to feel useful and taking care of us helps them with that! Much love, Kim
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