Let Go

Reverb 2010- Day Five

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? 

Dreams.  Expectations, and taking things for granted.  

This year, I've let go of a lot of my expectations of things... experiences, people, institutions, my husband and myself.  I guess the best way to explain this is to put it this way:

When a woman becomes pregnant, people say she is "expecting."  She is expecting a baby, of course, but its more than than... she is expecting that things will go well, that the baby will be healthy, that her body will not fail her unborn child, and that at the end of 10 months, she will have an addition to the family.  Expecting.  I've had several people ask me if I am "expecting."  I suppose some people think its a more delicate way to ask if I am pregnant, but I just want to respond, "No!  I am NOT expecting anything.  But I am pregnant."  

I've completely let go of my expectations of how things are supposed to be.  That life will all "work out" and that normal life will always be 'normal.'  But that's not the case.

I've let go of my expectations of experiences.  I have lived moments this year that I thought would be far less painful than they actually were.  But I've also overwhelming experienced moments that were far beyond my wildest hopes and dreams.  Before we went to Egypt, I had some limited expectations of what it would be like... you see, I've been enchanted with the land of Egypt for as long as I can remember.  I once dressed up like Cleopatra for a Social Studies project in 6th grade.  I went all out-- even spray-dyed my hair black.  Which actually turned out to be kind of a disaster because the wash out black spray began flaking off and getting black EVERYWHERE.  But I've always dreamt of visiting one of the oldest civilizations known to man.  So when the opportunity arose to travel to the land of my dreams (thanks to my parents living there now!), I tried to imagine what it would be like.  I built up some expectations of how I would feel standing amongst hundreds of thousands of heiroglyphics that were carved years before Christ... but none of my expectations even came CLOSE to that experience.  Seeing the pyramids, walking into ancient tombs and standing in the midst of holy temples filled with mysteries that have yet to be solved, my expectations were blown out of the water er, sand.  I was rendered speechless... awestruck... humbled.  

I've let go of my expectations of people.  Unfortunately, I have many examples of how my expectations of people have deeply hurt me this past year.  But I don't want to focus on the negatives... so I'll write about ways my expectations were pleasantly surprised.  My husband is amazing.  During Whitney's birth and after, he never ceased to amaze me.  He didn't squirm away from the unpleasantries of childbirth, and in the hours and days following, he was right by my side in the most unpleasant of moments.  His love and support-- though it has always been my rock-- was more than I could have ever dreamt it could be.  

And in the end, I've surprised myself.  Survived darker days than I ever thought I could.  Of course, this is all due to God's incredible grace and comfort, which (surprise) has also blown away my expectations.

So I learned early on in 2010 to let go of my expectations.